I would like to say a Hail Capriccia at this time... Who is she you may ask?

Capriccia is our Divine Lady of Unintentionally Funny Things, her influence and miracles are many. When a man is hit in the groin with a football? Our Lady Capriccia is responsible! When a baby falls over taking its first steps? Capriccia!

And when the coverage of the Beijing Olympics gives me highlights like half empty stadiums, smog so thick it can be sliced and put on sandwiches, and ARMED VEHICLES outside the official press centre... Well, my riotous and tasteless laughter assures me that Capriccia is at work once more.

Hi there, I know we don't talk too much, but I really need to say something to you... I hope you'll answer.

Give me the strength to endure the sight of Kevin Rudd falling all over himself to chat up the Pope.

Give me the willpower to resist the urge to throw something at the TV every time Benedict gets called holy.

Give me the peace of mind to get home from work through the throngs of pilgrims without triggering a psychotic break.

Give me the maturity to prevent me from dressing up as the Mad Monk and lecturing others on how it's okay to do kids but homosexuality and unprotected sex are amoral.

There. What do you think Jay Fear? Can you do those things for me?

Oh, and can you give me head more often?

That's right folks, nothing to see here, I know someone gave you some cock and bull story about a nutcase on his soapbox but its been sorted out now. Seriously, just read the Speed Racer review that was here last, it's not that bad.

Anyway, I've got to go now, Belinda Neal just escaped from solitary.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/03/28/2201237.htm?section=justin

"Mr Brown (British PM and international man of mystery) said Britain, which will host the 2012 Olympics, would definitely not be boycotting any part of the Beijing Olympics."

Definitely not. That's comforting, I'm glad Mr Brown is such a rock to the British people. As a Prime Minister he really should stand by poor, defenseless nations getting maligned by greater powers. So Mr Gordon's determination to spare China from cruel and unnecessary humiliation from countries such as France or, worse still, Poland is a noble goal indeed.

China's only great crime is poor media controls. Not enough of them. We wouldn't be in a quandry about their human rights stance if they hadn't let it slip that, yeah, what do you know, they DO harvest the organs of political prisoners, and oh yeah, they do tend to fund and support some of the world's worst dictatorial regimes. I mean, by implication all the countries that "definitely won't" be boycotting the Beijing games support their media restrictions, which is obviously unacceptable as those restrictions need to be far tighter to prevent those awful truths from hurting anyone.

Now, supporting awful dictatorial regimes is a longstanding tradition I know, look at the US, its become the master of it. Indeed this is a case of looking inwards on someone looking outwards because China in itself, no matter how much its government would like to colour it differently, is one of those regimes. Mr Brown and his counterparts in the US and Australia are examples of the kind of political thinking we need nowadays, where one can defend the invasion of a foreign, sovereign, non-attacking nation to oust a leader whose war crimes are the equivalent of kicking a dog, while supporting a financial and political boon to a government that thinks that the best solution to left wing media is not Piers Akerman, but to capture members of that media group and disect them. If that's the case, Matthew Moore and Ross Gittins should certainly keep their guard up now that that our current PM is so fond of Chinese customs.

Ultimately, its especially noble and noteworthy that the promise of mining contracts and continued cheap (almost slave) labour has blinded our politicians to petty concerns such as human rights, and we hope they don't let morality or public opinion or, heaven forbid, good taste prevent them from straying down the path of boycotting that was taken with that truly evil behemoth, Soviet Russia.

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Oh and I have no problem with the Chinese. Just their government. Over and out :P

MARCH 27 2008, 4PM
Jay Hieronymus Fear reporting...

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has left Australia for a seventeen day long diplomatic tour, the US and China being major focuses, leaving his cabinet to the tast of constructing its first budget unsupervised. Leader of the Liberal Party and the Politicians without Support support group Brendan Nelson claims that the trip at such a time is poorly advised and against the wishes of the Australian public.

Julia Gillard, acting PM while Mr Rudd is abroad, in response to Mr Nelson says "How did he hear what the public wants? Anyway, there is absolutely nothing to worry about, everything will be under control as soon as I find the keys to the office... unless Peter [Garret, Minister for Wombats and Good Vibrations] has swallowed them again," going on to say she's sure that the cabinet is well equipped during their leader's absence, with enough crayons and Barbie Fairyland colouring books between them to last a month.

From his fortified bunker in Nundah, Queensland, treasurer Wayne Swan is already working on the complicated set of tasks left behind by Mr Rudd, including calculating the tab from his last trip to McDonalds, and how to avoid reporters asking questions regarding adjustments to pensioners' earnings. He also denied claims that the first budget checklist prepared for Mr Rudd's absence only has one point, "Wait for me".

Before leaving this morning, Mr Rudd responded to criticism of his having left Japan out of his itinerary on his whirlwind diplomatic tour, simply saying "You know how they say what happens in Tokyo, stays in Tokyo? Well, sometimes it stays there too long".