Sometimes when I'm outside of the safe and reassuring Twilight Zone of the net, wild conundrums approach me. These strange, tripedal creatures with their pendulous whozits and their throbbing gobshnapples gaze at me intently, waiting until I start to crack under the fierce gaze of their five milky white eyes, and ask me riddles.

Oftentimes, being the luminary fellow that I am, I answer the riddles with ease. Anything that sheer bravado, inspiration and edition VII of the Conundrum Safety Guide can't answer is usually tackled with the experience I gained during my stay at the 3rd Chapel of the Grand Latvian Assembly of Potato Worshippers.

However, when my time with Father Trostiansky fails me, I am faced with questions such as these...

"Imagine that your family and home life were very unpleasant, and that since moving away from that family and home you find communication with them to be depressing and pointless. Now, suppose while this may be the case, you still love and care for that family. How do you reconcile the guilt of avoiding their calls and letters?"

This particular conundrum is a doozy, anyone with ideas before it starts trying to eat me?