Post apocalyptic FPS with RPG elements? Fallout 3 did it.

Addictive loot collection mixed in with ever increasing and changing enemies? Diablo did it.

Morbid humour and cel shading? No More Heroes did it.

Gearbox Software's new title, Borderlands, somehow manages to do all of the above and come off as something original. The negatives come first...

The cel-shading's a hit and miss effect, sometimes line work is too bold and obscures distant terrain and points of interest; and while the game's setting, an abandoned mining colony on a dangerous planet by the name of Pandora, is interesting but doesn't feel like it's been fully thought out.

On the plus side, there's a never ending assortment of weapons and tools to nagivate the world, controls are easy, and the four character classes one can choose from and develop are unique and fun to play. The loot as well as the constant stream of quests makes it addictive, and co-op play stirs up thoughts of games like Left 4 Dead either leaving friends closer or ready to strangle each other.

What personally sold me on it was playing as the Siren, a light and feeble lady who can phase in and out of reality, and augment all of her attacks with various effects like fire or acid. The crowning moment of awesome with her was phase-shifting and running into the middle of a bandit camp, phasing back in to cause a massive explosion, gunning the majority of the bandit's down with a pistol that fires napalm bullets and taking down a midget with a slap to the face with an acid coated glove, causing his face to melt.

As absurd as it sounds, it's even more so. And that's why I love it. It's available for PC and the obvious consoles, don't get it if you want a deep plot or solid art direction, but if you're in it for wacky and addictive gameplay with unique characters, get it now!

Peace out!

Anyone heard of this? It's the Kindle (of which the current iteration is the Kindle 2), a device brought to us by Amazon, the online book store that made its name in the United States. It's an e-reader that uses 'E Ink', a groovy substance that allows static images to be displayed on a screen without power or back-lighting, to display text such as e-books or news.

This means that unless pages are being turned or data is being accessed/downloaded that it doesn't need to be sucking on the batteries, allowing for quite a few days of battery life. With decent on-board storage and expandable memory, it can hold upwards of 1000 books, and with 3G mobile access it seems like it should be touching upon Australian markets like a dove alighting a crest of peace and world stability.

Sadly this is not the case; instead that dove is getting throttled by the writhing mass of ichorous tentacles that is the publishing industry, which seeks to extract its due from the exchange. It means that despite the content being delivered digitally Australians must pay a higher price (after exchange) than their American brethren. Why? Distribution deals of course!

Much like the video game industry, digital delivery for e-books and music still suffers at the calloused and brutal hands of publishers, distributors and retailers who have signed contracts ensuring their right to distribute the materials being offered via the internet. Whilst there are a few shining examples, like Steam for games, that don't inflate the price of digital content for Australian users, most are content to remain in thrall to a retail system that has nothing to do with online business models.

Much like Rupert Murdoch's staunch refusal to accept the changing face of print media I think it might be a case of old views simply being incompatible with new technologies. It simply makes no sense that in the absence of shipping and printing costs that smaller/foreign markets should be made to pay for them. 

I can only take hope in the notion that like with any other outdated view that holds back progress, something is built into nature to ensure that innovation shall march on. And that is that those views stop when the cellular reproduction and brain function of those that hold them does. So without stark revelations and Dickensian ghosts telling of future woes to change the minds of those involved, peace can be found in the fact that these particular wounds shall be healed by time.

Though if, like me, you're an impatient nay-sayer, it's easy enough to write angry letters and support digital distributors even if the exchange isn't as fair as it should be. After all, money talks more than anything else to big business, so speak in their language if you can't wait for change to come.

I'm a lucky guy, blessed by good friends. This weekend has been a prime example of it!

After work yesterday I hooked up with Dustan, Lupie, Wolven and Anon prior to the Blue Moon Festival's Saturday night event, the music/fashion combo that whilst poorly rigged for sound was filled with exciting people and creative movements. From trippy bohemians to austere and beautiful Victoriana-era goths it was a feast for the eyes, the kind of event that strikes me with my creative naivete.

Was great seeing people like Clay Bear again, and catching Dustan (a contributor to the fashion on show, a good one at that) up there with others from the Newtown crew modelling and making it an even better night. Props to Smacky and crew for their gothy fabulosity, as well as Angel Kitty for being his usual straddling-the-line-between-fiendish-and-elegant self.

Fast forward to today and the culmination of a group bday present (thanks to everyone who contributed) in which Aussie Husky, Temba and myself went to the Capitol Theatre to see Wicked (after being so kind as to shout me to lunch at a lovely Japanese place nearby by the name of Yumei)! A review might come later, but to put it simply the main cast sung beautifully, comedy was balanced with an intelligent plot, the costumes were detailed and rich, the set was constructed well and suited for the tale being told...

And it somehow made me appreciate Bert Newton (who plays the Wizard of Oz). Craziness I know! Now I'm back at home, happy to see Zwabbe back and seemingly content with his reprieve from voyages to sea, and hearing a great bit of trance from Weasely.

I'm surrounded by creative and generous people, without whom I'd be a very unhappy person, so in this glow of warm and girly glee I'd like to say thanks to you all!

 

If you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]


HAVE YOU...

[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[x] bought porn
[x] tried drugs

TOTAL SO FAR: 10

[x] taken painkillers
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] wished someone to die
[x] seen someone die

TOTAL SO FAR: 20

[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[] received a ticket
[] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[x] been in an accident
[x] been to a club
[x] been to a bar

TOTAL SO FAR: 28

[x] been to a wild party
[x] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[] had a spring break in Florida
[x] sniffed anything
[] wore black nail polish
[x] wore arm bands
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap
[] owned a 50 Cent CD

TOTAL SO FAR: 35

[x] dressed gothic
[] dressed girly
[] dressed punk
[] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[x] been too drunk to remember anything
[x] blacked out
[x] fainted
[] had a crush on a neighbor
[] ate a spider while drunk

TOTAL SO FAR: 40

[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert
[x] dry-humped someone; been dry humped
[x] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut
[] installed speakers in a car
[] broken a mirror
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush
[] know what a kage hole is

TOTAL SO FAR: 45

[] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper
[x] seen an R-rated movie
[x] cruised the mall
[x] skipped school
[] had surgery
[x] had an injury
[] gone to court
[x] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] caught something on fire
[x] lied about your age

TOTAL SO FAR: 52

[x] owned/rented an apartment/house
[] broke the law in the police's presence
[x] made out with someone who had a GF/BF
[] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[x] kissed a stranger
[x] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed
[x] been verbally harassed

TOTAL SO FAR: 60

[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[x] been called a bad influence
[] drank and drove
[x] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
[] cheated on a test


TOTAL OVERALL: 68 - So apparently whilst I should be in jail I'm not as bad as Temba. I doubt that. I doubt that very much. 

I have a confession to make... I just can't get enough of hot, long blacks. As a matter of fact I go all a quiver at a short white; and if I'm really yearning I might even go for a thick one with some of the kinky stuff, like cream or chocolate, all over it.

It's been known to me ever since I first wrapped my mouth around one, my tongue exploring clumsily, whilst looking around fearfully to be sure that none of the unseen specters of family, society and church were waiting to swoop on me and scorn me for my unnatural leanings. Over the years since some have claimed to have the answers, that I could change my perverted ways and still live a fulfilling life, but it wasn't for me.

At times I saw the bright and bubblies, the wholesome ones you could show to your parents when they were visiting, and wished that I could just  go with them and save myself the shame. But as I had to learn the hard way, one can't live a lie forever, so I'm saying it loud and proud.

I like coffee. I love coffee. Robusta, Arabica, freeze dried, fresh ground, iced, infused, globalised or free trade; it's all good. So fight for coffee rights; sure it might make you a twitching, sleepless husk looked down upon by sporty yuppies and medical professionals, but goddamn is it worth it!

 

What a hectic week! A flasher at work, my boss being caught in a chemical spill and all manner of crazy customers, oh my!

Otherwise, not much to report, I've been recording/editing a little music review show for podcasting, as well as applying to any job that looks better than my current one (read: any damn thing). Things look hopeful!

Oh, and I scored the PS3 game Littlebigplanet! It's great, a cheery and eccentric platformer with insanely in depth level creation possibilities. And narration by Stephen Fry, whose velvety voice coats my ears like delicious chocolate. The only shame of it is that as a multiplayer game made for all ages it has a strong anti-swearing message, which'd be fine if the narrator wasn't the man who did this.

In other news, something my car loving friends might find amusing lies here.

For those not up for link hopping, it sums up the art of unnecessary/cosmetic modification of cars thusly:

'Some people genuinely improve their automobiles with intelligent upgrades and precision tuning. The division between idiot boy racers and intelligent tuners is "Did you buy rims?"'

Ah well, here's hoping all's well with you all, catchya later!

There are two things dominating my mental space at the moment. The PS3 game Mirror's Edge, and the MTV cartoon series Aeon Flux, they're so similar at times it's scary. Pseudo-asian women navigating overly sterile environments, fighting more against the notion of 'the establishment than a specific enemy, both of whom have a morality that borders on sociopathic and is only made up for by the fact their enemies are usually more clearcut in their evil.


Mirror's Edge shines as a game that's an experiment, a new intellectual property; its pop art influences along with clean and pristine presentation remind one of a Smart exhibition, whilst its minimalist electro score is the type of stuff that good trips are made of. The way in which the free-running gameplay serves (an albeit mediocre) narrative so well is endearing, simply by using the dystopian city's landscape as a means of opposing authority you're fulfilling the mission statement.

Sure the combat's frustrating and choppy and the characters are bland streaks of paint on the far more intriguing character that is New Eden, but the sheer existence of a unique gaming experience that doesn't involve emos with giant swords, space marines or grizzled loners forced to care for a vulnerable woman makes it worth the effort.

Aeon Flux is something I might have waxed lyrical about in the past, but basically it's a surreal and iconoclastic reminder of why MTV used to be relevant. Mainly the brainchild of (of all things) Rugrats director Peter Chung, it looks at the acrobatic foot-fetishist Aeon Flux in a fictional future's war between Monica and Bregna, anarchist and totalitarian regimes respectively. As a Monican agent she seeks to sow anarchy and dissent in Bregna, raising the ire of her arch-nemesis and lover Trevor Goodchild who also happens to be the ruler of Bregna.

Aeon has the ultimate body, physically honed and proficient with all manner of weapons and vehicles, whilst Trevor has the ultimate mind, willing to experience any surreal trauma and ecstacy, to create and test all manner of futuristic technology. Their love-hate relationship underpins the series, that spends most of its time driving home the point that morality is all about viewpoints. Just because there's a lens flare above a blond commando gunning down the enemy doesn't mean he's the hero.

It's full of red herrings, weird dialogue and odd symbolism, but its sheer uniqueness and daring makes it enlightening to watch and think about.

Neither Mirror's Edge nor Aeon Flux are perfect, they both have high-minded motives, but their respective clunkiness or aloofness mean that the more casual of players/viewers will tire of them. For those who are seeking a taste of the future that expands the senses, that escape conventional means of story telling to deliver something that rises above the morass of sequels and derivatives, they are well worth the effort.

Furjam! Many thanks and congratulations to aussiehusky for organising Furjam and doing so with no discernible hitches. I only attended Friday and Saturday nights' events due to work on those days and other social plans today, but what I did see was good.

The Rose of Australia hotel in Erskineville was once again a good venue for Friday, though it's obviously straining at the number of people there, if the community gets any bigger that place is either to collapse or need some extensions on its Elbow Room.

Saturday was similarly good, with an abundance of junk food, entertainment and card games to keep people amused, and whilst hard to reach (as I hadn't been at Centennial Park beforehand) the Arcade Room at UNSW was nice and spacious enough for the group. Extra props go to Anthrax, the blue collar blue heeler, for a good comedy routine. His delivery's good, timing is better, though his choice of language would limit the venues he could play at before 9:30pm.

The rest of the weekend was spent partying and vegging with a friend and some acquaintances in Newtown, no better way to christen a new household than by having an insane all nighter there!

To everyone who participated in the goodness of the past few days, thanks. My only regret is that my head's been in entirely the wrong space lately, and I wasn't at all receptive to meeting any new friends or communicating much with the old ones. 

But the way I see it, something like Furjam's just a once off that serves to make the process of communication easier. One can meet new people and better know familiar ones any time, and it's best to do so when ready and willing.

The only concern I come away with is the ever lingering fear that for all my intellectual bravado and verbosity, I lack substance and initiative. Or to be succinct, I talk the talk but don't walk the walk. Still, the only time one can ever truly fail is if they give up. With that in mind, time to rest and try another day, best wishes to you all!

Whoo, I haven't been to OC Remix for a while. For those who don't know, they're a bunch of composers who do arrangements of videogame music. They're well selected and judged, so it's rare that anything lame slips through, and it's great to hear what modern technology and a different context can do to classic songs in gaming.

At the moment I'm digging synth and electro, so hearing the Pokemon series being given a happy synth medley (look at my listening to: field) is like cocaine without the itchy nose.

Otherwise, making for a cinematic trifecta this week, I saw Up 3D with the spotcat on Thursday afternoon. It was great! Using a simple melody in varying arrangements throughout the film made it feel like a delightful little opera.

Sure, the concept of a man flying his house to South America with helium balloons seems childish, but the fact he's doing it after losing the love of his life, whilst confronting the hero of his childhood and finding release for his bottled-up paternal instincts makes for good viewing. It's well animated with lots of sillinesses, like the villain's dogs (able to talk due to specials collars) and the insane female bird named Kevin, to lighten the mood and keep things fresh.

Like any good family film it tells a mature story in a way that doesn't exclude anyone, very groovy.

Ah well, yay for lazy Sundays, peace out!

Whee, spent my weekend down in the 'Gong, where the weather was mostly well behaved except for massive bursts of wind and some unseasonable humidity. Hung out with a spotcat, ate too much (though it was good, so it's worth it) and saw District 9.

Mostly reliant on a pseudo-documentary format, it tells the story of how humanity reacts to the sudden arrival of alien refugees, using South Africa as the perfect setting (can you say xenophobic segregation? there, I knew you could!)

It also follows one man who's been exposed to a mysterious liquid that some of the aliens have been gathering, and the scientific and financial prize he becomes afterwards. Look out for robotic battle suits, detailed alien designs, dark looks at man's ugly side and some of the most Seth Efrican accents you've heard in a while.

Bonjerno! *intentional mispelling*

Just watched Inglorious Basterds. Fantastic! Quentin Tarantino is a strange, strange man, and watching his films is vaguely like watching him masturbate to how eccentric and stylish his films are; but when he gets it right, it's a wonderful way to spend a few hours.  

Portraying an elaborate ruse to bring down the Nazi High Command in WW2, Inglorious Basterds plays it hard and loose with history and believability, and in true Tarantino style is redeemed fully by wonderful dialogue, good casting and a soundtrack I could bottle and drink until I pass out.

Brad Pitt makes for a wonderful hero, his newly found sense of eccentricity making him perfect for the role of an oh-so-Southern boy out killing 'Nattzees' in pastoral France. Hearing him butcher the English language is a real treat, though his butchering of enemy soldiers is given sufficient levity.

Melanie Laurent's a good heroine, she's not physically flawless, which makes her that much more beautiful when in a smoky haze and bedecked in a red dress. There's enough little rays of sunshine through a bleak exterior to make her more deep than just another wounded woman, though she'd deserve that title after being the only survivor of a Nazi raid.

But my favourite role, character, actor and bit of man candy is Christoph Waltz as the droll and somewhat camp SS commander Hans Landa. Always affable, devious and several steps ahead, his role's the type that baffles a viewer with its rapid switches between delightful and deplorable. His style's like an arguably superior European interpretation of the method Heath Ledger employed to imbue his Joker in the Dark Knight with such grim appeal.

The colour is rich, the mood split between war, noir and western, the soundtracks juicy and full of classic charm, and there's no discrediting the ability of aforementioned director's ability to make a simple drinking game the most tense scene in recent movie history.

Like any of Tarantino's films, it will offend some (and probably more than other films he's made, judging by the subject matter), but it's everything that makes him likable done about as well as he's ever done it.

Inglorious Basterds, drink it down, all the way down!

Remember how I just got the new PS3 and Metal Gear Solid 4? Well, I did indeed love Metal Gear Solid, overly abundant cutscenes and loading screens and all, but there was one thing that rankled me.

Every laptop? Apple Macbook.

The main character's MP3 player of choice? iPod.

Everyone's mobile phones? Sony Ericsson.

All the motorcycles? Triumph.

Throw in brand name energy drinks and gun makers and it's a veritable smorgasbord of plugs for everything under the sun, even the system the game was made for. At a level that you encountered in the first game for the PS1, a character calls you to ask you to change to the second CD, until he says "Oh, of course, we're on the PS3, Blu-Ray means we don't need to change discs!"

Yes, jolly good. Well, I guess after seeing Transformers I can hardly act like such a trend is new, it still hurts though.

 

I'm a consumer whore! The new slim Playstation 3, with all the groovy features and reduced pricing that the original should have had anyway, is now in my possession. It's nice enough, working well, produces little heat and doesn't make much noise, and it's got none of the ugliness and huuuugeness that typified it's predecessor. If you've been debating getting one, I'd say the time is now, it's new release means you can usually grab bundled freebies. They're probably won't be a price drop or hardware change anytime soon either.

Though beware, it still suffers from a dire lack of good titles, it's sad after the PS2 which has still great stuff being released for it.

One of the few good ones is Metal Gear Solid 4, the continuation of a series that has always made me happy in the pants. Summarised it's a Japanese homage to American action films, blending detailed and authentic military/technological research with off the wall Rogue's Gallery style bosses and conflagrated/preachy storylines that read like a Young Socialist's Party manifesto got in a car accident with the plot of Neon Genesis.

I tend to wax lyrical about games, but i"ll try sum up why I love it in one sentence. The first boss battle is against a woman clad in a latex gimp suit, who uses tentacles as weapons. 'Nuff said.

Otherwise things are alright, not much to report, still feeling energised. Hoping you're all well!

Ever wonder what would happen in Hollywood taught us our most vital lessons? Confirm your greatest fears here. 

I think I'm in sync most with the jabs about how Hollywood portrays hacking and the usage of computers in general; I mean if you took US film as a guide, game systems must have had motion sensing capabilities well before the Wii came along. What makes me say that, you may ask?

Simple, from Tetris to a first person shooter, whenever someone is shown playing a videogame in a movie they're always tilting, spinning and shaking the controller like it's an etch-a-sketch that just won't let go of a pornographic doodle. Maybe it's to make things more exciting, but it's up there with Jurassic Park's version of Unix and the Independence Day aliens' apparent vulnerability to old Macbooks in terms of condescending lies to a public better informed than the studios give them credit for.

On the topic of being given credit, I've officially completed my Journalism course, and while still doing the same 'ole retail job for now I'm hunting for more lucrative work in newspapers or radio. I'm also thinking that I should finish the five years or so of Japanese I did in primary/high school, aside from the grooviness of knowing another language, I could try spin that into an opportunity. Though I know teaching English in foreign lands is a common and rather tacky dream of the metropolitan 20-something, I'd still give it a shot if other things didn't eventuate.

My certainty from my prior post still stands, I'm ready for anything at the moment, so bring it on! The best to all of you out there in Internet land, wherever that may be.

Hey there furs and murrs, I've already posted about how chuffed I am with the new place. Good location, good apartment, good rent and good flatmate. I've crested the waves of drama far and wide, seen the glistening shores of better things and have determined that what I want in life requires effort and daring to be ascertained.

Disney's morality tales are nonsense, believing in yourself and wanting something acheive nothing, you've gotta try things that scare and hurt you, and work like a dog, and even then you'll probably fail. And that's if you're a good person, if you're like most people you'll be too tired, lazy or scared to tackle the really big things in life.

All you can do is try really, because it's only when you stop trying that you've ever really lost. That's what fills my mind as I try all kinds of little things, as tests for the big changes I want to make. If someone offered me a job teaching in WA tomorrow, I'd take it. If the rain fell as a mysterious chemical that mutated people, I'd drink it. If it was open mic night at a club, I'd get up there with my routine about the evil of the romantic comedy.

I'm finally going to Midfur this year too, a minor change I know, but it's always good to a little extra something here or there. I look forward to seeing YOU there, but not you, or you, or him or her or them. I'm sure anyone reading this will know who they are from that description.

It's like Regina Spektor says,

"This is how it works, you're young until you're not, you love until you don't, you try until you can't, you laugh until you cry, you cry until you laugh, and everyone must breathe until their dying breath. This is how it works, you peer inside yourself, you take the things you like, and try to love the things you took, and then you take that love you made, and stick it into someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood. And walking arm in arm, you hope it don't get harmed. And even if it does you just do it all again."

Man I love that song. Regardless, long story short, happy, making changes, feeling crazy and am obsessed with Regina Spektor. Hells yeah. How're you all? Here's hoping well, catch you next time!

First, musicians of note:

• Streetlight Manifesto - Because ska will never die, just get angrier. Here's an example.
   

• La Roux - Synth pop wonder-duo, everything that made the 80s great with the production values that make the 00s great. Look for the violent 'Tigerlily', the anthem of stalkers everywhere, and the dreamy 'As If By Magic', where only mind alteration can allow escape from unrequited love
   

• Regina Spektor - Eccentric ex-Soviet musician who does unusually paced and eerie tracks as part of an anti-folk movement. Gotta love one of her songs doing the rounds on Triple J at the moment, entitled 'Machine' for its odd references to the artist made into machine, and 'Blue Lips' for some of the most evocative imagery I've ever heard in a song
   

• Lily Allen - Not that anyone needs to be made aware of her existence, but Lily's mix of accessible pop and subversive lyrics, like "Everybody's at It" as an ode to drug culture, and "22" as the grim reminder of age and society's view of women affected by it, makes her surprisingly cerebral

Secondly, this comic series, and in particular this edition:

Kids Say The Most Existentially Horrifying Things



Thirdly, ignorance. I've heard it's bliss, I'd like me some of that. Can anyone hook me up?

Anyone read or heard this? 

Good 'ole Texas, making sure that coloured folk go to prison for their crimes, even if they didn't commit them! I'm sure when presented with two white criminals and one innocent black guy a Texan police officer must collapse in a fit of mathematical confusion. Do two white felons equal more guilt than one black civilian?

Apparently for this guy the numbers were against him, and he's had to spend 23 years in prison for a crime he most likely didn't commit. It highlights problems that happen when you mix southern values, racial politics and rape cases, the wrong kind of people given the right to arrest, as well as relying solely on the testimony of someone who's probably been coached into giving her answers by those same wrong people.

Of course, it's fair that the prosecution are fighting, because it is best to observe due process; but if they do exonerate him, I sincerely hope they compensate the fellow for what's he's been through. Not that any amount of money could make up for spending what is at best a quarter of his life in prison for something he didn't do, completely removing his ability to function in society, as well as subjecting him to well documented levels of violence and overcrowding.

If they won't compensate him, he should be allowed to commit 23 years jail-time worth of crimes, excluding murder/rape. At least 23 years of theft or beating the arresting officers/jury members responsible for incarcerating him might offer the catharsis he'd so dearly want.

Failing. That's great.

It's amazing all it can do. Reminds you to never try too hard, because you probably won't succeed anyway. That everything you try to do with your sad little life will probably amount to nothing, and on a truly existential scale you fail no matter what.

Remember next time you try something, anything, that trying is the first step towards failing.

Never try kids. Never try. 

I love my new place in Bondi, it's bright, has high ceilings, is easily accessible, feels lived in and is actually comfortable. It's a place I want to spend time in. Being here makes me feel better. Zwabbe's a good flatmate too, anyone who knows him will know he's a mellow guy, easy to get along with and both peaceful and considerate.

Work's the same as ever, but as a new leather jacket from my boss and the early afternoon finishing time can attest to, it has its perks. And study results came back, all passed (of course) and lotsa good results to make it feel like it was worth it. I've got the promise of more newspaper work soon too, though not enough to quit the retail job, enough to make me feel like I have something to offer beside vague pleasantries and the ability do do data entry and database management.

My friends are mostly well, Dustan and Lupie are balancing things out after a financial dry spell, which is good to see, and Aussie is still the good host and considerate friend he always has been, despite his family's woes and tough uni schedule.

Temba's sense of humour and older-than-he-actually-is wisdom continue to cheer me when I'm grim, a staggering thing considering the vast ocean of garbage that he's had to wade through. Despite having lost his job recently, Atpaw remains light-hearted and willing to talk/meow, which is more than I can say for a lot of other people I know facing similar dramas at the moment. So I'm good on the friendship front.
 

Recently I've learned to see the interesting and/or good sides of people whom I hadn't spoken much to before, and whether or not they felt the same about me, I have hopes of learning from these people. Be they furs I haven't found time for before, or co-workers who through the simple yet beautiful state of being human can make a repetitive and dull job bearable.

I want to thank the people and circumstances that have gotten me to where I am and in the relatively decent condition that I'm there at. I'm not exceedingly lucky, and had a pretty poor start in life, and I know that while I've done a lot for myself, I owe an insanely huge amount to the people I know.

I only wonder about two things, two looped issues that still haunt me.

1) Insomnia, it still won't go away, it seems like it's getting worse, sleep is less refreshing when I get it, and I get it less often. Something's troubling me greatly...

2) Upon recalling discussions I had in the past, I just realised that over a year ago, I dumbly accepted a 'I don't know right now, we'll see' from someone. Here we are, in 2009, a brave new world in which swine flu might kill us all (or give us a few days off work, who knows) and where Twitter threatens to eat our brains, and I've done it again. Same situation too, and I'm stunned by how spineless I can be, that I haven't even thought to ask what hope I have if a year of seeing has not yielded anything more solid.

Cycles eh? In recognising them we can break them, but in having been in them for so long, we fear the thought of having to start new ones, or losing what we treasure in the ones we're trapped within. Long story short, I'm mostly good, even if my tiredness and foolishness conspire against me, I'm just in need of some certainty in a world where a nap or a solid answer are equally hard to find.

I wish you all well, even if I don't talk to you enough, even if I'm quiet and distant, even if you don't know who I am and just read people's LJs for a vicarious thrill. Til next time!